July 2019

We've been spending more time apart than usual this month, as we begin a significant change in our routines. Here's what we've been up to:

Becky and Alex in the Hudson Valley (Rob)

July marked the beginning of a journey to find Alex the best program in the area to help him with his language and communication.  According to one estimate, about 25% of people with autism are mostly non-verbal. A generation ago, this number was much higher due in part to the lack of early intervention programs to address the challenge. We don't know what Alex's story will be, but we do want to get him the best help early on to improve his chances. 

Becky has been taking the lead on all of this, figuring out what's available around here and what we can get covered through health insurance and/or state services. Unfortunately the available options in our small city are not great. But it turns out that there is a constellation of autism treatment clinics and schools a couple hours away over in the Hudson Valley that practice an established therapy approach called applied behavior analysis, or ABA. This is what Becky is trained in. We started Alex in one of those programs this month, and so far it's going well. Becky has been working with the people at the clinic in a more collaborative way than they are probably accustomed to. They really like Alex, and he seems to be enjoying the program, which is important. He'll do 4-5 hours a day of therapy in the clinic (plus more at home), which for now consists of teaching him to do signs for things he wants and to listen to follow instructions for rewards, among other things. 

Because of the distance, Becky and Alex have been traveling out there on the weekdays, and mostly staying in AirBnBs. This is a rough routine. Some days are good, others are hard. But Becky has been finding ways to keep Alex entertained when he's not in therapy by checking out parks and other things in the area. Some of the places they have stayed have very nice backyards or are spacious inside too. And Alex always enjoys exploring some new territory where he hasn't been before. That said, he is also very excited about coming home on the weekends to a familiar place with his familiar toys. That's exciting for me too.

Fireworks (Rob)

I enjoyed a nice 4-day weekend break from work for the July 4th holiday. We enjoyed the time at home, relaxing, grilling burgers and what not, or going to nearby parks. We were able to watch the local fireworks display from the elementary school down the road. Alex was really captivated by them. So later this month, we went to another fireworks event at the state park. This was a smaller exhibition at a lake by a forest, so we were up close and the fireworks were big and loud. Alex loved it, probably far more than the deer and woodchucks in the forest did.

Honoring, Missing and Celebrating Dave Bona (Rob)

In the first week of July, I received sad news that an old friend from back home had passed away. Dave Bona has been valiantly fighting brain cancer (glioblastoma) for the past 2-3 years.  I knew Dave mostly since high school through a tight network of other friends I've known since childhood, and we especially spent a lot of time together in the year before our missions and then after we got home from our missions. We both served missions in Guatemala too, and were fortunate enough to cross paths a couple times there. That includes when I was on what could have been my deathbed in the hospital where my mission ended (so I was told, as I was not conscious when he visited me). The last time I saw Dave was last summer when I was visiting Utah. Being aware of his condition, I wanted to make sure I saw him while I was there. Because of family plans, it was hard to find a time to meet up, so I suggested we attend church at his ward to meet up for a bit. Since he happened to be speaking that week, he wasn't crazy about the idea. But for me it was even more incentive. Of course, he gave a wonderful talk reflecting on all the help he's received since his diagnosis, and how hard it has been for him to be the receiver of help rather than the giver. He highlighted under-appreciated value of receiving service. We caught up afterwards, and I introduced him to Alex for the first time. 

When I learned of Dave's passing, I really wrestled with the challenge of making it there for his funeral services because of our current situation. Emotionally, I can't be absent during the precious weekend time we have when Becky is already alone with Alex all week. And financially, having Becky and Alex essentially paying rent during the week is not cheap, on top of unrelated things such as auto and home repairs that have been killing us lately. Right now, things are manageable but every dollar really counts.  I called my friend Britton to let him know I'd have to be there in spirit, and he tactfully persuaded me otherwise with the help of other dear friends in our network that were willing to chip in for a last minute plane ticket for what would have to be a very short trip. Most people aren't so fortunate in life to have friends like that whose love and support is unbound by time, geography or life itself.  I am quite lucky.

I can't imagine a better funeral service for Dave that what I witnessed on that morning of July 8. It really was a celebration of the life that he lived. To pass shortly before one's 40th birthday would be considered untimely by most, but Dave was a giant in all that he did, and he lived a life full of more rich experiences that most people twice his age are able to enjoy. The church was full, and many old friends from high school who I haven't seen in ages came out of the woodworks to be there. Among the speakers were Britton and Brandon, who brought tears of laughter to my eyes in recounting stories about Dave that would otherwise never see the light of day from a church pulpit. I spent time visiting and being with as many friends there and members of Dave's family as I could. Clearly this was a difficult time, but one that people have been preparing for emotionally for a little while now. It's hard to remember Dave without smiling, and there were a lot of smiles at that funeral.

The funeral was a good time to also catch up with the network of friends from childhood who probably haven't been brought together like this since my wedding four years ago. I also enjoyed dinner at Famous Dave's with a sizable chunk of my family, driving my dad's restored Model A around the neighborhood, visiting Victoria and her kids, tacos with Bill and Eddie, touring various home improvement projects, and lunch with my friend Shane from Arizona. It was all time well spent being with people I love and care about. I hope to come home for Christmas again this year, but that will all depend on how things go for us financially.

Non-sequitur Tidbits (Rob)

In other news, I got a new church assignment. Not Executive Secretary this time, but pretty close: Ward Clerk. I haven't been set apart yet so I'll report more on that later. It will help me get out of my shell a bit and get to know more people in our congregation I hope. Becky is now back in the workforce again, for now just seeing two clients on Saturday mornings - toddlers with speech delays that are probably autistic. During Alex's therapy hours, she's been catching up on some online training she needs to do for her certification. We've taken Alex out in the lake a few times now and he's warming up to the water. Some swim lessons in the near future would be good for him. I got a raise at work, which is always appreciated. On a drive out to the Hudson Valley this month, I saw a black bear cross the road in front of me.

Here's a link to more photos and videos from July, where you'll see pictures of our outings to parks, my visit to Utah, some photos with old friends at Dave's funeral courtesy of Marti Johnsen, and some of the places Becky and Alex have been staying.