On Infants and Iguanas

January 5, 2018 | Rob

When I was a teenager, I had a 4-foot-long iguana named Zoe. He lived in my closet, which was equipped with a heat lamp and other basic reptilian amenities.

Above is a picture of Zoe that I found in an old album at my parents house.

For exercise, I would often take Zoe out of his closet habitat and let him crawl around the house (thanks Mom). I had to watch him in case he was about to poop on something or crawl onto anything dangerous. As he explored his surroundings, he licked everything and sometimes tried to eat some things that he shouldn’t.

In the summer, I would on occasion take Zoe outside to get some sun. These outings seemed to switch on a wild circuit in his otherwise semi-domesticated brain, and all attempts to bring him back inside were met with resistance. He would crawl away quickly up into a neighbor's tree if I would let him.

I would also give Zoe baths, clip his claws, and feed him various fruits and vegetables after chopping them up into small pieces.

I learned a lot about how to care for an iguana during those years. And if you ask me, it is a lot like caring for an infant. I find myself having iguana flashbacks sometimes now when I'm hanging out with my crawling 13-month old boy.

When he is not in his crib, Alex is exploring every square foot of our little house, and crawling into and onto everything he can. And just like Zoe, he’s testing things with his mouth and eating a variety of fruits and vegetables that I chop up for him. And pooping. Lots of pooping. We give him baths, but he doesn’t really seem to like the water that much. Neither did Zoe.

But Alex does love to be outside, just like Zoe did. When the house door is open, he’ll waddle toward it as fast as he can on all four limbs. It’s like watching a baby sea turtle gunning it for the ocean after hatching from its egg. When grumpy, Alex calms down when I take him outside, but often returns to grumpy status when we come back in.

Now that Arizona weather is perfectly pleasant, we go on long walks to the park, where he’ll play endlessly with sand and woodchips on the playground.

Lately, he will find his favorite rock or woodchip and then latch onto it (see photo below). He’ll keep it in one hand and take it with him all over the playground, and in the stroller all the way home. If you try to pry it out of his hand, a baby rage will ensue.

Anyway, there’s not much that can prepare you for parenthood. But I’d like to think that the iguana and all the other exotic pets I kept when I was a kid helped to some degree. Because I am convinced my baby is a wild child.